I also recently realized that I never actually kept up with/finished Saxon James's "Never Just Friends" series. Again, really, really, really not sure why... Anyway, I read "Just Friends" forever ago, but the next book in line (book two) is "Fake Friends."
["ROWAN
Five years ago, I ruined the best thing I had in my life and ran.
Now, I’m finally back to make things right.
I need Circus’s forgiveness, and then maybe I can finally move on.
I’ll leave Sunbury for good this time and never look back. Maybe then I can finally live life as an out gay man—without my family ever finding out.
But earning his forgiveness isn’t as simple as I hoped it would be.
He’s going to make me fight for it.
And I don’t blame him at all.
I never wanted or expected to see Rowan Harvey again.
When he shows up in Sunbury, begging for forgiveness, I’m tempted to give it to him just so he’ll disappear.
Instead, we make a deal.
I need an extra model for a swimwear shoot, and none of my friends are available or fit the brief.
I’ll forgive him, if he helps me. Then he has to leave. For good.
Because his request for anonymity during the shoot proves he’s still living in his dark closet.
I’m not going to make the same mistakes I did when I was a teenager.
I won’t let myself fall for him again.
Because after how things ended between us, he doesn’t deserve a second chance."]
Maybe I skipped this book because I had been reading too many of the same style/trope at the time, or Rowan in the blurb frustrated me, or I had something else I really wanted to get to and just forgot about this series. Who really know. Either way, it's in the process of being rectified.
And I was frustrated with Rowan a bunch during the book itself, but I've also never read a book that went this deep into how internalized homophobia (from family, from religion, from society itself) can be destructive and debilitating. It was hard to read, but it's a fraction of what real people go through on a daily basis, hating themselves for who they are.
Circus's life wasn't easy either. Dealing with his feelings about/over Rowan, dealing with his parents' deaths, having such a strong need for validation on social media. He struggled too.
But they struggled together and found support in each other and became better people together. They talked about their feelings and their pasts and their futures. They. Talked. I mean, it took them a while and by that time, they were already in love with each other, but they talked.
I loved them and loved the journey they went on together.
Trigger Warnings: homophobia, internalized homophobia, bullying, violence, death, suicidal thoughts, conversion theory, familial abuse, alcoholism, etc.
#justfriends #fakefriends #gettingfriendly #friendswithbenefits #friendlyfire #neverjustfriends #aneverjustfriendsnovel #saxonjames #books #queerbooks #queererotica #bodicerippers #bookstagram #bookphotography #ilovebooks
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