Writing Sucks

Okay, so I haven't written, not really, in over year and a half. Wow. I mean, I knew it was long, but that's loooooong (whole other rant or another day--excuses sure but also, having an over-worked/over-whelmed/over-stimulated brain for 10 hours a day leads to literally nothing left for creative endeavorers after hours). 

I started feeling the desire to reread the book I finished during COVID Lock Down (and then got rejected by a lot of agents about six months later). It was more so a few specific scenes I wanted to relive, but I figured I might as well reread the whole thing.

I got a few sections/chapters in and was like, okay, I see we need to change A, B, and C, and if we do DEF to this section, it'll make more sense. Then I got further and further and now I'm both overwhelmed with all of the changes that need done and the sections that need trimmed/cut. Like, holy shit. This stuff is bad. Like, I mean, some of the sections/chapters/scenes are good and reusable...

but holy. shit. I now hate myself, and everything I've ever accomplished. Bring on imposer syndrome and self-doubt and everything in between. Yes, I'm being a tad over-dramatic, and yes, I'm comparing my shit book with stuff that's been editing/published by professional (who wouldn't), and yes, I'll be okay. I just might not write again for another year and a half. 

This piece needed like re-aged and I was going to spice it up some, but it honestly might be better off if I just like chuck it into a random folder on my Dropbox and forget about for another calendar year (or more). This whole piece needs rewritten from the ground up, maybe with a few of those good sections/chapters/scenes added in.

Self-deprecating slash I-hate-writing rant over (maybe).

I'm now off to read about gay love or listen to some true crime podcasts (or eat half a pie) to make myself feel better. Or all of it. (all of it).

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