AHHHHH!!! Here's the fifth and final book in Saxon James's Accidental Love series: "Not Catching Love."
["Xander
There’s something seriously wrong with me.
For once, I’m not talking about the health anxiety that randomly pops up and wreaks havoc on my life. I'm talking about, well, everything else.
All my roommates have found someone to love them, and it hurts to see the guys who used to have me at the center of their worlds pair off and grow up, especially when it’s a reminder of everything wrong with me. I’ve always had an issue with relationships. With forming a connection with people outside of Seven, but this is more.
Because I want to find my someone.
Except the one person my brain has latched onto is the one person I can never have. The one person who’s there to help me when my panic attacks get too much.
Nurse Derek.
Derek
I should never have offered to treat Xander Moore.
And now here I am years later, my life on hold, while I wait day in and day out for the call that Xander needs me. It always comes, and I always answer, but I’m starting to dread those visits.
Lately, I’m looking at Xander in a way a medical professional should never look at their patient.
When Xander starts volunteering at the same nursing home that I do, I get to see a new side of him. The artistic, charismatic side that draws the residents in. I get glimpses of a man who’s so much more than his anxiety, and it does nothing to help my feelings for him.
When lines begin to blur, I have no choice but to stop treating him. That at least allows us to be friends. The only problem is, being friends isn’t enough for either of us.
It’s wrong, unethical, and unprofessional, but my heart won’t listen. It’s decided on Xander, and it doesn’t want to wait. Neither does Xander.
But if I want to keep my job, I have to resist.
I just wish he didn’t make that so difficult."]
This book was a looooooong time coming. We all knew and foresaw this romance from the very first book in the series. That didn't make it any less heartbreaking.
I mean seriously, did Saxon have to make us cry THAT much! By freaking god. Sooooo many tears (now I'm congested and my eyes hurt).
But their love story was (while devastating) epic and glorious and worth the pain (and so many tears). It was denotation and dedication and obsession on all of the levels, healthy and slightly codependent (okay, reeeaaally codependent). It was push-and-pull, hurt and comfort.
It was also, overall, about bettering yourself, loving yourself. They say you can't fall in love until you love yourself (which is bullshit), but these two tried...well, they were both beyond the like scale in Part One (yes, you know a book is heart-wrenching if there's parts), but the more they let themselves love themselves, the more they loved each other.
Awesome, amazing ending to a fabulous series (all of which made me at least tear up, if not full-on cry now that I think about it).
Trigger Warnings: past traumas, abandonment, neglect, childhood abuse, trauma dumping, severe anxiety attacks, Xander's opinions on mental health and psychologists, and more.
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