For The Fans

Not sure what I want to read...already. Here's Nyla K's "For the Fans." Something that's been on my TBR for a while....like a whiiillle.

["Kyran Harbor is everything I’m not.

Rich. Popular. A superstar football player who’s awfully broody for someone who has it all. Basically, he’s a preppy jock who hates me. Oh, and he’s also my stepbrother.
That’s right. We’re stuck together, sharing a school, a house… A bathroom. Honestly, I wouldn’t care… If he wasn’t such an uptight control-freak who messes with me just because we’re different.
I had every intention of avoiding him when we got to college… Until abrupt misfortune forces us both into a compromising position.
Now the grouchy jerk I was hoping to evade might be the only person who can help me out of it.

Avi Vega is everything I despise.

A dreamer. A flake. An artist who smokes too much weed and thinks aliens exist. And by some sick cosmic joke, he’s now my stepbrother, following me on what should’ve been my escape plan.
It was already a disaster. Add a sudden financial disruption to the mix, and let’s just say my options are heavily limited.
If I want to stay an all-star quarterback on the way to the NFL, I’ll need to do something drastic. Unfortunately for me, and my desperate desire for control, the perpetually smiling stoner has a plan.
Maybe we can stop hating each other just enough to pull this off. As long as we remember we’re only doing it… for the fans."]

There is just Something about how adding sex to the mix instantly adds feelings. All kinds of mixed up, confusing, beautiful feelings. It's all of the hate with some added jealousy and posessiveness and obsessiveness and pet names and kissing-without-the-camera. Maybe it's the vulnerability of letting down your walls for sexual intimacy also allows your walls to be down for other kinds of intimacy and vulnerability. The feelings came on fast and strong as soon as they got together, even if they were both in deeeeeep denial. 

There's also something about how the way people look at emo/alternative people and assume they're a hot-mess, assume they have baggage and skeletons in their closets, assume they are lonely and depressed and need saving. Versus the way people look at popular, good-looking jocks and assume they have everything figured out, assume they're mentally healthy, assume they have friends and family and plans. Whereas these two have all of that flipped. It's poetic and glorious. 

The sheer AMOUNT of times I almost cried? The angst in this one was so real. The hurt/comfort? Devastating. So thanks for that. Annnd for the actual crying I did. A lot. This book was a devastating roller coaster (I loved it).

Trigger Warnings: mention of childhood sexual assault, mention of sensitive religious topics, detailed trauma recovery and healing, mention of death and grief, mention of suicide, homophobia, internalized homophobia, negligent parents, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and more.

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