Why is writing so hard?

Why is writing so hard?

I haven't written in months. I just haven't wanted to, haven't felt that creative need/drive/pull. I've also been obsessively reading, so there's that.

But recently, I've been attempting to get back into the writing scene. I decided to revisit my Cinderella AU (the queer one--because who wouldn't read the shit out of that story), and realized that the problems I saw with it months ago didn't go away on their own (like who the hell do they think they are just staying there and not fixing themselves?). 

Well, I've decided to do the mature thing and start from scratch. I read though the entire thing I had plotted (almost 100 pages of mostly dialogue). And now I'm just...starting over. Writing out the basic plot of the OG Cindy (1950 Disney). Reimagining characters. Adding a bit from my original plot but trying to start simpler (I told myself if I did this, then I could ignore the issues or figure out how to fix them--instead, I've been staring at blank word docs and empty notecards and just doodling circles on my notebooks(s), aka super exciting stuff over here).

Because I'm basically lacking any motivation or inspiration right now, we're just going to watch some Cinderella movies (they made a new Cinderella Story with Bailee Madison), so that's where I'll be for the next two hours if you need me.

What are your favorite Cinderella movie adaptations?

Do you have any Cinderella story adaptations that I need to check out?

Got any advice or inspiration for me?

Maybe I'll relook at the Pinterest board I made a few months ago too, see if that helps at all...

#writer #writing #writerproblems #help #cinderella #cinderellaau #queercinderella #books #bookstagram #bookphotography #ilovebooks 

This Winter

So the other day, after re-reading the HeartStopper series (and then finding it on Webtoon and re-binging it and then binging the entire fourth volume (chapters five and six)), I went and bought the rest of Alice Oseman's books (which I've been meaning to do anyway so here's to that).

I read "Nick and Charlie" first, and then I read "This Winter." Which takes place during the fourth volume of Heartstopper (chapters five and six), so if you haven't read those yet, I would before you read this one.

["I used to think that difficult was better than boring, but I know better now …

I’m not going to think about the past few months, about Charlie and me, and all of the sad. I’m going to block it all out. Just for today.

"Happy Christmas," I say.

The festive season isn't always happy for Tori and her brother Charlie. And this year's going to be harder than most. "]

Binged this, too. Didn't cry, proud of myself on that one.

Charlie's mental illness(es) were hinted at, and then not so subtly hinted at, from the very first chapter of the Heartstoppers comics. And the way Alice Oseman portrays them is just amazing. It's beautifully illustrated (his anxiety) and approached with such a kind heart and pure intentions (probably because of Nick, but ya know). Mental illnesses can't be "fixed", but need support and resources in which to be able to approach your hard days with less Eeyore and more Pooh Bear (if that weird ass metaphor makes sense). It's inclusive. But at the same time, Alice also portrays the people who don't understand how mental illness works let alone how one goes about treating them.

Read. This.

#heartstopper #nickandcharlie #aliceoseman #graphicnovel #queergraphicnovel #YAgraphicnovel #books #bookstagram #bookphotography #ilovebooks

Nick and Charlie

So the other day, after re-reading the HeartStopper series (and then finding it on Webtoon and re-binging it and then binging the entire fourth volume (chapters five and six)), I went and bought the rest of Alice Oseman's books (which I've been meaning to do anyway so here's to that).

The first one I read was "Nick and Charlie". Because who isn't obsessed with Nick and Charlie? Knob heads, that's who.

["CHARLIE: “I have been going out with Nick Nelson for two years. He likes rugby, Formula 1, dogs, the Marvel universe, the sound felt-tips make on paper, rain and drawing on shoes. He also likes me.”

NICK: “Things me and Charlie Spring do together include: Watch films. Sit in the same room on different laptops. Text each other from different rooms. Make out. Make food. Make drinks. Get drunk. Talk. Argue. Laugh. Maybe we're kind of boring. But that’s fine with us.”

Everyone knows that Nick and Charlie are the perfect couple – that they’re inseparable. But now Nick is leaving for university, and Charlie will be left behind at Sixth Form. Everyone’s asking if they’re staying together, which is a stupid question – they’re ‘Nick and Charlie’, for God’s sake!

But as the time to say goodbye gets inevitably closer, both Nick and Charlie question whether their love is strong enough to survive being apart. Or are they delaying the inevitable? Because everyone knows that first loves rarely last forever…"]

Binged this, too. Cried some (would have sobbed if I wasn't in public).

If it wasn't obvious from the blurb above, this novella takes place about eighteen months after the Heartstopper comics. And if it wasn't for my obsessive behavior and stalking art online and seeing spoilers before I should and reading the Heartstopper Mini Comics, aka knowing for a fact that Nick and Charlie are forever end-game style shit, I might have lost my shit.

READ THIS!

#heartstopper #nickandcharlie #aliceoseman #graphicnovel #queergraphicnovel #YAgraphicnovel #books #bookstagram #bookphotography #ilovebooks

TV Edition: Young Royals

So if listening to an audio book counts as reading, does reading the subtitles on a Swedish TV show (the entire season in one sitting) count as reading, too?

I kept seeing fanart and fan theories and tumblr/twitter posts about Young Royals, and I watched the trailer like 4 times (decided not to watch it 3 times, because I need to multitask to function and its hard to do that while reading subtitles but I said fuck it and watched--rambling, moving on), and finally caved this afternoon and watched it.

I regret nothing.

I regret a few things. Mostly the amount of tissues I used (throughout--like fuck, it was sooooo emotional).

And soooo fuuuuucking reeeeaaaaal. The queer representation. The representation of mental illness (depression, anxiety, ADHA, aspergers, etc). The way the popular girl's cliche was NICE. The way they communicated (eventually) with each other. The way that nothing that Wilhelm/Simon did was blamed on them (because it wasn't their fucking fault--well, their relationship wasn't). The way the girls are just open and honest with each other (especially during the breakfast scene in ep 2). The fact that the actors were actual teenagers with actual acne and actual flaws (not a cast filled with models). The diversity. The other fact that the main writer (most of the writers actually) and the main director are females.

I have more feelings, but just trust me, watch it. 

I don't believe I included any spoilers (except a vague reference to a thing or two), but if you don't want any spoilers, definitely don't look at the last page. #startarevolution 

#youngroyals #youngroyalsnetflix #tv #netflix #gaytv #gaynetflix #books #bookstagram #bookphotography #ilovebooks

14 Ways To Die

I first spotted Vincent Ralph's "14 Ways To Die" while I was in Target. Rushing through the store, getting only what I needed, utterly determined NOT to look at the books' section (let alone any of the books in it). However, out of the corner of my eye, I saw this book, that title, and there was no way in hell I wasn't going to make a quick about-face to check it out.

["A page-turning new YA thriller for the social media age, perfect for fans of A Good Girl's Guide to Murder and One Of Us Is Lying.

Ten years ago, Jess's mother was murdered by the Magpie Man.

She was the first of his victims but not the last.

Now Jess is the star of a YouTube reality series and she's using it to catch the killer once and for all.

The whole world is watching her every move.

And so is the Magpie Man."]

The beginning was a little slow (then again, I was suuuuuuper distracted), but after I got into it, I //got into it.// This book was soooo hard to put down after it finally picked up. I read most of it in a single sitting (only stopping for silly things like food and bathroom breaks).

#14waystodie #fourteenwaystodie #vincentralph #MagpieMan #yathriller #yamurdermystery #thriller #murdermystery #books #bookstagram #bookphotography #ilovebooks

Heartstopper...again

 Rereading the "Heartstopper" series counts as therapy, right?

Also like, I could use that Netflix series now. I know they only recently wrapped up filming, and it has to go through editing and production and promotion and everything, but like...can they do all of that super quickly maybe?

#heartstopper #heartstoppervolumeone #heartstoppervolumetwo #heartstoppervolumethree #aliceoseman #graphicnovel #queergraphicnovel #YAgraphicnovel #books #bookstagram #bookphotography #ilovebooks

Any Way The Wind Blows: Bookshelf Edition

Look at this bookshelf, y'all!!! :D 

I've organized it into the following categories: special editions, signed copies, UK versions, noted-up ones.

Yes, I bought a dragon plushie to go with the shelf (sue me) to commemorate the thing that brought our two favorite boys together (well, a ghost helped--and a magical burning bowl--and their education--and Baz's anxiety-and-gay-ridden suicidal thoughts--and Simon's mantra to act-first-think-later----so, basically, fate).

My mug and extra pin haven't come in yet (and my green watford pullover is in storage for the season--and the black one hasn't come yet either), and I'm thinking of buying themed candles for my boys (so clearly, those aren't here yet either--any favorite candle shops to look at?), but check out the free pin I got for preordering (and the free patch I got for preordering last year) and my fun stickers. #bookshelfgoals #obsessed

#anywaythewindblows #waywardson #carryon #fangirl #rainbowrowell #magicath #carryonsimon #simonsnow #snowbaz #bazpitch #tyrannusbasiltongrimmpitch #dragons #watford #books #bookstagram #bookphotography #ilovebooks

Any Way The Wind Blows: Reaction 2

I still have a lot to say about this book. Still haven't entirely organized my thoughts though. 

I started the second read through yesterday. Then stopped. Because I got to the part where You Know Who does You Know What, and then everyone cries (or in my case, sobs uncontrollably for a while--and then some more). Hence, this post (I've always been good at avoiding confrontations--even in books).

I love how AWTWB feels almost like fanfiction. Like we (mostly jokingly) asked for even a shopping list from these characters, anything new (even if it wasn't all that exciting). And well, we got it. Mundanity. Living life. Getting through (not necessarily over) trauma. Simply being when the complicated stuff gets too complicated. Moving through the day hour by hour or minute by minute (or second by second if the day sucks that bad).

Carry On was about the Chosen One (who IS Simon--don't even get me started on that), doing his thang and saving the day and getting the girl guy. Wayward Son was about the aftermath, the trauma, the now-what-the-fuck-do-I-do, the fucking up, and the what-the-fuck-am-I-good for. Anyway The Wind Blows was like taking a nap and waking up (a bit) refreshed (still confused and tired as fuck, but at least a little more awake), getting into a new routine, starting anew, working through your trauma. 

I mean, don't get me wrong, the fluff was so fucking cotton candy sweet that I just can't (lots of squealing and clapping and underlining on my part--sue me, I like to write in my books). And the learning curve (aka character development) was sooooo great to see (from book 1 to book 3 and book 2 to book 3).

CO (I believe) is still my favorite of the three, but like I said, I haven't reread AWTWB all the way through yet. And I haven't seen a lot of theories/headcannons/etc yet (though did find a few and caught a bunch myself).

Annnnnd, I'm rambling a bit again. So, I'm out (for now). 

#anywaythewindblows #waywardson #carryon #fangirl #rainbowrowell #magicath #carryonsimon #simonsnow #snowbaz #bazpitch #tyrannusbasiltongrimmpitch #dragons #watford #books #bookstagram #bookphotography #ilovebooks

Any Way The Wind Blows: Reaction 1

I have a lot to say about this book. A lot. But only so much energy. 

Partially because reading this book (all 592 pages) in less then 10 hours takes a lot out of you (reading that much let alone reading their stories and their trials and their triumphs)--especially when you realize that's its over (it's fucking over...just done, no more). 

I cried a lot today. Like a lot. And last night. My anxiety was all over the place (for good and bad reasons). 

I also reread "Carry On" and "Wayward Son" this past weekend (and all of the Snowbaz parts in "Fangirl"). So my head was already tired going into this. Rereading. Reanalyzing. Connecting shit. Contemplating other shit.

Either way, it's late, and I need to sleep on this. I have a TON of thoughts and a ton of theories and I need to reread this like tomorrow (this weekend?). I need to write in more notes and highlight more things and be ready to see all of the callbacks that I saw before (and the ones I didn't manage to see on the first read-thru). I need another day or three off to feel this book and be in this book and never leave Watford (annnnd, I'm crying again).

Needless to say, in the next couple of days, I'm going to try to organize my thoughts a bid and give a proper review (this book soooo deserves it). Hopefully without spoilers (but I'll let you know if I give any).

I'm rambling and exhausted and so damn happy (and so fucking sad). I just need...I need sleep, to be honest (but will it happen---probably not for a bit). I think I had more to say but...I can't remember anymore. There's just...so much. So many parts and plots and people and fluff and flights and angst and anger and love and light and....and I'm crying some more (did I ever stop?).

Snowbaz forever. Watford forever. #YouDontDoMagicYouAreMagic

Thank you, Rainbow.

#anywaythewindblows #waywardson #carryon #fangirl #rainbowrowell #magicath #carryonsimon #simonsnow #snowbaz #bazpitch #tyrannusbasiltongrimmpitch #dragons #watford #books #bookstagram #bookphotography #ilovebooks

Any Way The Wind Blows: the morning of

"Any Way The Wind Blows" ...the morning of...

Any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me.

Except it does. It really fucking does. This entire book matters a whole hell of a lot. So yeah, it matters, every way the wind blows.

This book series changed my life. I have no fucking clue that a queer book existed until I read "Carry On" (now they're my primary subgenre when it comes to books--both writing and reading). I thought these kind of relationships (ships) only happened in fanfiction. I thought that it was just... magic, stories. This book changed me as a person. It changed the way I look at books and at romances. It changed the way I read in general (and write).
Simon and Baz got me through sooooo fucking much. SO much. They're (obviously) one of my OTPs (yes, I realize that contradicts the T in OTP, but talk to a fangirl about that and see the truth behind the T) so I think about them a lot. They're relationship (or lack there of--before the numpties (#frontseatsforpeoplewhohaventbeenkidnappedbyfuckingnumpties) helped me calm down at the end of the day, or look forward to the following morning. They made everything brighter (Simon is the sun after all-- #youwerethesunandiwascrashingintoyou).
So, yeah, let's be real, a lot fucking rides on this book right now.

The only thing I have to do today is read this book, so wish me luck (let's hope I finish it before midnight--if not, we're staying up until it is finished--work can wait).

#anywaythewindblows #waywardson #carryon #fangirl #rainbowrowell #magicath #carryonsimon #simonsnow #snowbaz #bazpitch #tyrannusbasiltongrimmpitch #dragons #watford #books #bookstagram #bookphotography #ilovebooks

Any Way The Wind Blows: the night before

"Any Way The Wind Blows" ...the night before...

I can't fucking wait!!! Will I stay up until midnight? Fucking probably! Will I even sleep tonight? Probably fucking not. (notice the lack of exclamation--it's exciting to finally fucking have this, but also like, sleep).

I bought all of the editions. All of them. Even the Kindle one (so I can get it at midnight and start it, and not have to wait until the usps/ups/fedex/etc brings one of my copies--so not repeating the wait/angst from WS).

I've had this image as my phone's wallpaper since the morning Rainbow announced the sequel/finale (to precise, that was October 4, 2019).
But we've been waiting for this even longer (Wayward Son was published on September 24, 2019 -- Carry On was published on October 6, 2015 -- but Fangirl was published way back on September 10, 2013). 

We deserve this y'all. All of the fluff and the hugs. All of the angst and the trauma (come on, we know they're be a hell of a lot of both of those--but hopefully we get at least a semi-happy ending (I'm hoping for full-force-happy ending, but let's aim high but have low expectations, just in case)).

Good luck, and when in doubt, (keep calm and) carry on (though, the title was inspired by Queen, so, there's that (carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters--there, fixed it)).

#anywaythewindblows #waywardson #carryon #fangirl #rainbowrowell #magicath #carryonsimon #simonsnow #snowbaz #bazpitch #tyrannusbasiltongrimmpitch #dragons #watford #books #bookstagram #bookphotography #ilovebooks

Harry Potter World 2021

This past weekend, I once again had the pleasure of visiting Harry Potter World. My third time. It's still just as magical. It still wasn't enough. You still notice new details and still wonder at the creativity and designs. You still want to like Butterbeer (unfortunately, I don't--I don't like cream soda or butterscotch, so, yeah). You still take way to many pictures (like waaaay too many--a total of ~100 this time around).

I got another cute scarf (my new one is a Marauders' Map--my first was a Death Eater one). Another chocolate frog (so far, I have Gryffindor, Slytherin, and Dumbledore trading cards). And another wand (my second one is Sirius--my first one was Draco).

I thought about rereading the series before I went, but I ran out of time. And then I thought about just re-watching the movies instead, but we all know that the books are better (and I just kind of forgot--the weekend came faster than I was prepared for). 

And okay, let's be real here. Headcanons and Fanfiction (certain ones) are better. Way better. In //my// Harry Potter world, certain people didn't die (Sirius, Remus, Fred, etc) and certain people got redemption arcs (Draco, Regulus, etc) and certain people got called out on their behavior (the Durlsey's, Dumbledore, etc), and certain relationships happened/didn't happen (god, all of the gay ships, y'all). And the best part of headcanons and fanfiction? There's inclusivity of certain alienated groups (trans individuals, queer individuals, the entire fucking house of Slytherin, etc)!

Have you ever been to Harry Potter world? What's your favorite part?

Also!! What's your favorite part of the way //you// look at //your// Harry Potter world? What's your best headcanon/ship?

#harrypotter #harrypotterworld #universal #dracomalfoy #siriusblack #remuslupin #drarry #wolfstar #maraudersmap #deatheater #scarf #wands #chocolatefrogs #magic #butterbeer #jkrowling #jkrowlingsuckssometimes #sodoesdumbledore #transrights #queerrights #books #bookstagram #bookphotography #ilovebooks