I'm honestly not sure if I've read "Like You Hate Me" before (by Bethany Winters--it's the first book in her Hawthorne University series). The blurb sounded familiar, some of the scenes are sorta vaguely familiar (at least in the beginning), but overall, I'm not sure I read it (or at least finished it). Now I have.
["I’ve never hated anyone as much as I hate him.
The day my sister died, I told her best friend I never wanted to see him again, and I meant it.
I lost her because of him. Everything I used to care about means nothing now because of him.
It’s all because of him.
So when he shows up on my driveway two years later and tells me he’s moving in with me for his freshman year of college, I kick his ass and tell him to disappear. For good this time.
But I already know the defiant little brat’s not gonna listen. He never does.
Being near him again makes me crazy. I’m supposed to be the college basketball star my father raised me to be, but now I’m focused on a new game. I’m obsessed with watching him, touching him, breaking him. His body, his head, his heart, anything I can get my hands on…
I’m gonna take it all until he’s got nothing left.
And even though he knows exactly what I’m doing to him, he’s gonna let me do it anyway."]
I think I might have DNF this book previously. That sounds possibly correct. The bully aspect of this bully-romance is quite high. As are the feelings of hate and self-hate. For a while, there's some Feelings, we can see small signs of it and side characters see signs of it, but it doesn't seem as though there will be a HEA for either character until it's too late for them (Feelings-wise; both Nate and Xavi are both far too in love by the time they realize there's something other than hate between them.
It was a hard read for a while. Xavi hated himself quite a lot and trully believed he deserved to be hated by Nate. And Nate was far from kind to Xavi, knowing he was through his own trauma well before (during and after) his sister's death. The pay-off was worth it, but I can see why I took a break from this. The triggers are rough.
Though I was as addicted to Nate and his back and forth as Xavi was. One moment, he was full of hate and horrible words (causing all of us to cry); the next, he was being protective and possessive and ott-alpha-caveman (causing all of us to melt).
I cannot wait for the second book in this series! Though it seems there's a TON of book coming out in the next month/month and a half that I can't wait for.
Trigger Warnings: addiction, alcohol and substance use/abuse, depression, ideation of suicide, overdose, death of a sibling and best friend, violence, stalking, mentions of sexual assault, blackmail, homophobic slurs, and more.
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